Here's looking at you, kid

Palms are sweaty, my stomach is churning, couldn't sleep last night, and I'm shaking as I walk out the front door....to face my first run out in the open air since December.

Some people will be wondering why I am so scared of something they find perfectly natural, while other people will know exactly what I'm going on about. It's not the first time I'm ever attempting to run so its not the fear of the unknown. In fact it's probably cos I know what to expect that I am so anxious.

It's all those fears that using the treadmill for the last 3 months had eradicated: what if I run out of steam before I'm even more than halfway home, what if I need the loo, how many people are going to witness my huffing, puffing body trundling along, and what are they going to think? Having decided to try a run by myself, at least I didn't have to worry about holding anyone back or have the embarrassment of seeing the rest of my companions shrink to the size of ants as the gap between them and me widened.

But, I had decided this weekend was now or never. The weather has been beautiful, my hip seems to be on the mend, and all my friends are making great progress with their training, so it was time for me to stop being such a baby and grow some cojones!

I headed out nice and early and used my nikeplus to make sure I didn't go too fast too soon. It wasn't long before that wasn't a problem anyway as my legs realised what a cushy number they had been onto in the gym. One km in and I was struggling to lift my feet off the ground and wondering if any of my neighbours would clock me if I headed back to my close 10 minutes after I'd just left.

Well, I managed just short of 5km in the end, not the best of runs, and I stopped to walk even between the traffic light breaks. But in the end I did what I set out to do, which was set my foot out the dreaded front door, and planned to try again today - if my body was still friends with me after putting it through that rude awakening. And a rude awakening it was this morning too, rising out of bed I felt like I had been run over by a steamroller in my sleep, however, catching sight of my lady bumps in the mirror it was obvious that nothing about me was flatter than yesterday...:-)

I'm always one to listen to both sides of an argument before I decide to do what I wanted to do all along anyway, so although my body was protesting any further effort this weekend, off out the door I set again this morning. Not quite as early as Saturday morning, so the world of Glasgow was very much up and at 'em, but after 10 minutes I was actually so tired I couldn't give a flying fig who saw me, what they thought, and what kind of a state I looked. I was oblivious to everything but just trying to keep going.

One wee trick that seemed to work for instance was not looking ahead but staring resolutely at the ground. It actually did work as sometimes seeing a long street ahead of me makes me think I'll never make it and that's when I usually give up and walk.

I also struck out on a different route to my old tried and tested, as I think that the same familiar landmarks tend to remind my body of past occasions when I've felt jiggered at those points. Today everything would be a new experience and so my legs would just have to plod on without prejudice. And so I was able to run up a hill without stopping, got a chance to run on grass, and I even managed to run along a few streets which were human-free (the holy grail of the self-conscious runner).

On the home strait I checked the distance on my nikeplus for the first time, knowing it was definitely longer than the previous day but hoping that my usual luck wouldn't mean it was about 0.1km longer. But, yippee, I had actually managed another mile more than yesterday!

Stepping back through my front door ruddy-faced, windswept, and smiling to myself, I suddenly felt a pang of unfaithfulness to the trusty old treadmill that had seen me through the good days and the bad of the past few months. Cos it was clear at that moment that I had fallen in love again with running outside...

The treadmill and I both knew it couldn't last forever though, and that if I didn't leave the comfort of the gym I would regret it. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of my life. As for my return to running outdoors again? I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship :-).